How Loud are My Thoughts?

I swear this will be like my 4th try at it, almost forgot even why I was writing.

So the world has basically become a smaller place with everyone being connected and all but what if it wasn’t the case anymore? What if you experience a limitation to all that? Does the world cease to exist for you or does life become boring?

It happened without even getting a sign or a warning and I was in a state of disconnect. Can’t talk to anyone as much as I could, couldn’t tell if someone was online or if they read my latest message. I wouldn’t know if my crush had blown up my phone with 100 messages cause she wasn’t being responded to(Hope she still likes me though). Information was not at my fingertips the way it used to be. Complete isolation

So there I was teetering between the point of self-pity isolation and isolated instances of optimism and cheerfulness, but between those two comes a moment of clarity. A point where you come to the realization that “I can’t stay here forever not moving on with life cause of that one thing!” I realized maybe what we usually do is just distract ourselves from life and other important things in it. If we get rid of your phone for let’s say 5 days will you be bored out of mind for the better part of that time? If it’s a yes then that’s a huge ass problem. It’s what happens when something that was meant to be on the periphery takes center stage in our life. Get a hobby, a distraction whatever but don’t make that little thing dictate your life. I was at the point where I’m like I can’t take this any longer but I stuck through it, but there’s a revelation(s) that comes with the disconnect.

Who do I value? Who values me? It’s a question we barely ask ourselves but it does tend to occasionally come to mind….. when your phone is dead and you still have 3 hours before the next source of power or maybe when Safaricom sends you that loving reminder text “Dear customer your bundle balance has been depleted…..”. We all “love” that text. You’ll think that the person you talk to the most is the one who really cares and the one that randomly texts 5times a month doesn’t, but it ain’t always like that. Circumstances and situations especially the bad bring out some sides of people you never knew.

I appreciate the disconnect cause it forces one into a period of self-evaluation-or maybe that’s only in my case-self analysis etc at the end of the day zote ziko na self. I realised who I value in my life isn’t really who values me, I realized the people you tend to push aside and put at arms’ length will be constantly concerned about you and kuna wale when you head back to reality they’ll be like “msee nimukuitia form WhatsApp hureply for like 3 weeks nikajua labda ushapanda bei” If they really wanted to get in touch with you, going the extra mile would have made that possible. They just chose not to.

Sometimes isolation is the best way to get in tune with your real self, without the noise of the crowd, just you listening to the echo of your thoughts. What do they say? How do you feel about it? How is it gonna affect me and my future? Sometimes it takes you losing yourself in your own world and thoughts to really figure out who you are.

I am all in for the disconnect/social media cleanse/me time etc, but you got to remember not to be so engrossed in your own world that you forget you’ve in one way or another helped others forge theirs. It’s through those bonds that we sometimes identify ourselves. If the disconnect doesn’t at all affect their reach to you, keep them in 2020.